His face lit up and a few days later, we went riding. We went to lunch several times. We went jet-skiing together and laughed, played and had small talk. Little by little he began to open up about his life, his family and his heart. I took him on trips out of town (like I do with my own kids). He shared a little more. Before the summer was over, he had renounced Satan, committed his life to Jesus, was reading the Bible like crazy, and had forgiveness in his heart toward his parents. All it took was time and love.

Parents who say, “I have done everything I can do,” should rethink that statement. While these parents wanted me to “fix” their son, all I did was what they should have done all along: Spend time one-on-one with him.

A parent’s common excuse is, “I just don’t have time to spend one-on-one.” My answer to that is, “Do you have time for therapy?” Do you have time to take your kids every week for three years to somebody who can help them and talk through issues with them?

When doing my master’s degree in counseling/ psychology one study talked about a rabbi, a priest, a psychologist and a friend who were all compared (I know, this sounds like a joke) for their effectiveness in helping a person talk through a problem. What was the difference between going to a professional for help versus talking to a really good friend? The study found that there is actually NO DIFFERENCE. Think of the significance of that. A friend is just as good at helping someone through his or her problem as a trained psychologist with a Ph.D.

When we get into a regular rhythm of meeting with our kids one-on-one, you must proactively create an environment where they will feel like they want to share their heart, or the heart-sharing will never happen.

Listen to your child’s heart, even if he or she talks a really long time. Be careful to guard yourself from the temptation to jump in and correct, coach or fix everything. Let your child talk! A major part of her need is to be able to talk it out. She may not want a logical answer; she may just need for you to hear her. If you wait to give advice, you might even go away and come back with better thoughts on what to share than if you tried to fix the problem immediately.

We as parents want, and need, to be the relational center of our kids’ lives. We don’t want them sharing their hearts with friends, through a blog or in a gang. The only way we are going to be the one they go to is if we create this relationship. If at first your child is not comfortable one-one-one, think of fun and adventurous things to do together; they will soon begin to look forward to your time together. I guarantee it; they will come around. Your children will benefit from having the relational center of their life be how they connect to you, not to other people.

Maybe you have done everything except the thing your child needs the most: one-on-one time with you.

This article was adapted from Ron’s book, Re-Create: Building a Culture in Our Homes That Is Stronger Than the Culture Deceiving Our Kids. This book contains practical tips to deter your family from this cultural invasion your home.

www.christianpost.com

The fallacy of pornography as harmless and victimless

I have heard the absurd argument that suggests exposing children to pornography is a legitimate strategy to prevent them from engaging in sexual activity or harmful sexual behaviors. As a mother who cares deeply about her children’s spiritual and moral development, I find this viewpoint starkly contradictory to biblical teachings. The Word of God reminds us to guard our hearts and minds, avoiding anything that defiles our purity and leads us astray. Exposing children to explicit content doesn’t just contradict biblical principles but also opens them up to engaging in harmful sexual behaviors. Just like marijuana is referred to as a gateway drug, pornography is a gateway to other destructive and sinful behaviors.

Pornography does not depict a biblical view of sex. It does not reflect a one-man and one-woman intimate relationship that is sacred and reserved for husband and wife. Pornography paints sex as a grotesque and sinful act, often involving multiple partners, same-sex partners, and even children. Research consistently shows that early exposure to pornography can have profoundly harmful effects on a child’s mental health, relationships and overall well-being. It is our responsibility to protect children from such destructive influences.

The power of biblical education and living

Children’s hearts and minds are shaped by what they learn. In a world that is constantly throwing sexual content at our children, it is more important than ever to provide a solid foundation that is rooted in biblical truths of God’s design for sexuality, the sanctity of marriage and the importance of purity. This foundation equips them to make informed, Godly choices. Pornography cannot be used as a superficial, band-aid solution to keep our kids from engaging in premarital sex. Children must understand that their bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, created for His glory, instilling a moral compass to guide their decisions.

A call to responsible parenting

Responsible parenting goes beyond shielding our children from explicit content; it involves actively nurturing their spiritual, emotional and physical well-being. As parents, our children are our first and greatest mission field, and we are called to be vigilant in guarding their hearts, guiding them toward righteousness, and helping them navigate the challenges life throws their way. We can’t rely on the latest trends and parenting guides written by people who are born with an inherently sinful nature to raise our children. We have the Word of God, and it is always trending. We must prioritize open and honest conversations grounded in biblical truths. When our kids come to us with concerns or questions on uncomfortable topics, we must boldly respond with the truth of God’s Word, not cower and point them toward the lies of the enemy.

Teaching our children their value and responsibility

As parents, it is crucial to my husband and I that we teach our daughters their inherent value and worth as children of God and our sons the significance of their responsibility to respect and honor women. In a world that often objectifies women and reduces their value to physical appearance, we strive to instill in our daughters a deep understanding of their worth. They are fearfully and wonderfully made, created in the image of God with a purpose that is far beyond what the world tells them. By teaching them to cherish their purity and respect themselves, we help them to see that their value is not defined by societal standards, but by their identity in Christ. This knowledge empowers them to make choices that honor God and uphold their dignity.

Our sons must also understand that their strength and influence should be used to protect and uplift, not exploit or demean. They need to know that real strength lies in self-control and that true leadership is demonstrated through servanthood and respect for others. This foundation equips them to build healthy relationships and stand against the destructive influence of pornography.

A call beyond parenting

As important as parenting is, the issue of exposing our children to explicit content demands a united front by the entire Christian community. It’s not just up to parents; it’s up to churches, educators, communities and lawmakers to come together and stand united on the foundation of biblical truth, ensuring that exposing our children to explicit content is never an acceptable solution or alternative. Instead, we need to prioritize biblical truth, open communication, and an environment that values purity. By doing this, we equip our children with the knowledge and understanding of God’s design for sexuality, empowering them to resist temptation and live according to His will.

As a mom, I believe it’s time to stand up, shoulder-to-shoulder, and speak out to protect our children through the unchanging truths of the Bible, not the changing trends of this world.

Heather Hefner is the Director of Communications for AFA Action, the government affairs affiliate of the American Family Association.

www.christianpost.com

A new report from the Barna Group and the Impact 360 Institute, Gen Z: Volume 2, found that three-in-five teens and young adults ages 13­ to 21 years old (60%) say their generation spends too much time on screens. 

The survey collected data from 1,503 U.S. teens and young adults ages 13 to 21 between June 15 and July 17, 2020. The sample has a margin of error of ±2.53 percentage points. 

When asked how they feel about their personal screen use, more than half of respondents (53%) admit they often feel bad about the amount of time they spend on screened devices like phones, computers or tablets.

However, one-quarter (25%) say they and their peers spend “just the right amount of time on screens.” About 13% assert that the amount of time their generation spends on screens doesn’t matter.

According to the data, more than half of teens and young adults (53%) say they “put off” or “procrastinate doing homework or other things” because of technology. 

About half (50%) blamed technology for feeling more distracted, while 36% blamed technology for feeling less productive. Fifty-four percent said that because of technology, they feel they are “wasting a lot of time.” About three-in-10 blamed technology for “shortening their attention span.”

Unveiling the data last month, Barna Group President David Kinnaman said that the average teenager spends five hours and fifteen minutes per day using their smartphones. Meanwhile, he said young adults use their phones over six hours a day, representing “incredible amounts of input that’s coming in through screens.”

He defined Gen Z as the first generation of “screenagers,” adding that not only have they been raised with screens, their parents are equally tethered and shaped by screens.

“We’re all, as human beings, in this experiment of what it’s going to be like for us to be in a digital environment to be raised in a world that I call ‘Digital Babylon,’ where so many of the controlling factors are different than they would have been in the past,” he said.

Interestingly, Barna found a strong correlation between “resilient disciples.” 

According to Kinnaman, those committed to Scripture, to the local church, believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus, and want their faith to be active and alive in the world tend to practice discernment when it comes to social media use and technology. 

“There’s this really interesting interconnection between being a resilient disciple and also how you use your screentime,” he said. 

Resilient disciples “are more discerning when it comes to their devices,” he said. 

“They have a more positive outlook and greater mental and emotional health,” Kinnaman added. “Being a resilient Christian doesn’t just mean you have a stronger faith, but you’re actually stronger in some of the ways that matter most in real life.”

Kinnaman stated the research shows many young people use technology to deal with anxiety, loneliness and boredom. 

Yet just over half say that when they use social media, they feel “critical” of themselves. Overall, teenage girls and young women were more likely than teenage boys and young men to say they felt “critical of themselves, insecure or isolated” when using social media. 

Kinnaman said it’s important to pay attention to the trends surrounding technology. The goal of Barna’s research on this matter, he explained, is to equip youth leaders to better understand and disciple the next generation in a digital era. 

He encouraged asking: “How’s your relationship going with social media? How’s your relationship going with your screens? What are ways that we can help give you greater strength and be who God created you to be across all of these areas in real life, and digital life and everywhere in between?”

The President of the evangelical polling group challenged parents and youth pastors to help teens and young adults practice “discernment” on social media. 

“We need to manage screen time; sure, that’s really important,” he concluded. “Yet, thoughtful discernment and better practices for these young people are the most important things that we need to do. … How will you embody this in your ministry?”

“Don’t underestimate Gen Z,” he continued. “They’re smart. They’re connected. Take them seriously. I believe now more than ever after the pandemic, our old methods aren’t going to work.”

As screens become an increasingly ubiquitous element of teen life, numerous pastors and ministry leaders have stressed the importance of approaching social media with care. 

Priscilla Shirer, the head of Going Beyond Ministries and mother-of-three, recommended placing boundaries around social media use. She told The Christian Post in 2019 that while modern advances are a blessing, any good gift from God can become an idol if it shifts our attention and worship off of Him.

“Social media can start to reshape our lives in a way that’s incongruent with the truth of who God has called us to be,” she said. “That’s with anything, but we’re seeing that happen in a crazy way with social media, not just with young people, but with adults, too. We can’t even go to dinner without our phones in our hand, without checking it. Every buzz, every bing, causes a thrust of adrenaline to bolster through our body. And so we’re being drawn into this relationship with social media and with technology that’s consuming our lives.”

www.christianpost.com

The Institute for Family Studies, which describes its purpose as “to strengthen marriage and family life, and advance the well-being of children through research and public education,” published a report titled “The Resurgence of the Two-Parent Family” last Wednesday.

Authored by senior fellow of the Institute for Family Studies and research psychologist Nicholas Zill, the research provides data from the United States Census Bureau about the “proportion of children under 18 living with two parents, single parent & neither parent” dating back to 1960. 

While 87.7% of children younger than 18 lived with two parents in 1960, that figure had dropped to 67.3% by 2005. The percentage of children living with two parents in 2023 was measured at 71.1%, the highest share since 1990.

Meanwhile, 25.1% of children younger than 18 lived with a single parent in 2023, while the remaining 3.8% resided with neither parent. Additional data in the report broke down the family situations of American children even further.

According to U.S. Census Bureau data from 2022, 60% of American children lived with married birth parents. Single-parent households were the second most common living arrangement for children under 18, with 26% of American youth residing with just one of their birth parents. Nearly one-quarter of children under 18 (21.5%) lived with just their mothers, while a significantly smaller share of youth living with a single parent (4.6%) resided with only their fathers. 

The remaining types of family structures for American children were households featuring a married birth and stepparent (5%), cohabiting birth or step parents (5%), grandparents or other relatives (3%) and foster parents or other guardians (1%). 

Additionally, statistics in the report showed that younger children were more likely to live with their married birth parents than their older counterparts in 2022. Among children between the ages of 15 and 17, 53.6% lived with both of their married birth parents. That figure rises to 59.6% among minors between the ages of 6 and 14, and increases further to 64.9% among children 5 years old and younger.

Broken down by race, Asians had the highest percentage of children living with their married birth parents (81%) in 2022, followed by whites (70%), Hispanics (55%), multiracial children (51%) and blacks (33%). The research also showed that the overwhelming majority of children born to a college-educated mother (82%) lived with both of their married birth parents compared to just 54% of children whose mother did not have a college degree.

Analyzing the results, Zill commented that “the trends reviewed here show us that those who predicted a relentless increase in family instability or single parenthood were simply wrong.” According to Zill, “There seem to be growing numbers of young adults in all racial and ethnic groups who realize the economic, educational, and emotional benefits of marriage for themselves and their future children. As parenthood becomes more selective, the marriage-minded may have an advantage in childbearing.” 

“Two developments that promise to extend the resurgence of the traditional family are the older ages at which adults embark on parenthood nowadays and the increased numbers of recent immigrants in the U.S. population,” he concluded. “Women and men who begin having children in their 30s and 40s are more likely to marry beforehand and stay married. Likewise, recent immigrants have shown a propensity to marry before having kids and then to remain married.”

A previous study conducted by the Institute For Family Studies in 2022 elaborated on the relationship between children growing up with two married parents and their achievement of academic success. The earlier report, compiled based on data from 2019, determined that children who did not grow up with both married parents were 2.18 times more likely to have their school contact their parents about the child’s behavior than those who did. 

Similarly, the study found that children who did not grow up with their married birth parents were 1.63 times more likely to have their school contact their parents about their schoolwork than their peers who grew up with their married biological parents. Students from non-intact families were also 2.92 times more likely to get suspended and 2.01 times more likely to end up repeating a grade.

“These results reaffirm the conclusion that children from stable, married families have a better chance of receiving the guidance and support they need to succeed academically and adapt confidently to the classroom environment than children from disrupted or reconstituted families,” the previous report stated. “This does not mean that children from non-traditional families cannot do well in school. Many do, despite the conflict, turmoil, or curtailed parenting they may experience at home.”

www.christianpost.com

Protecting our children starts as our primary calling that gradually gets eclipsed by equipping them. Filters and restrictions can and should be used, but they are insufficient for equipping our kids to live in sexual wholeness in a morally bankrupt world.

(I will cover how to protect kids in a later article, here we’ll primarily focus on equipping our kids to live in biblical sexual wholeness.)

In the article, “The Flywheel of Addiction,” I share how the three spokes that propel us into addiction (deception, isolation, and secrecy) are the inverse of the spokes of sexual healing (Understanding, community, confession). By integrating the three spokes of healing into the culture of our families, we can make it harder for addiction to take root.

1. Understanding

Kids are curious, they want to know the “why” behind everything. Too often, parents resort to “because I told you so” or “because God says so,” when answering these earnest questions. This is a failure to equip them since the less they see you as an authority in their life, the more they’ll look for a “real” answer, which they’ll likely receive from culture.

What’s worse is that some kids have come to believe that some topics are off limits for conversation with parents (like sex) so they ask their peers or the internet. This too is a failure to equip.

Most people don’t understand the beauty and biblical purpose of sex in marriage beyond making babies.

Or, they have unresolved issues of sexual brokenness or addiction, causing them to feel unqualified or hypocritical to discuss it.

If you’re in the second category, I beg you to pursue healing and freedom from addiction and/or trauma, for your sake and your children’s.

Let’s play a game, how many of the following 5 questions can you formulate a coherent, biblical response to:

• Why did God create two genders?
• Beyond procreation, why did God create sex?
• Why does God limit sex to within marriage?
• Biblically, what does a healthy sex life actually look like?
• Is all sex within marriage okay?

(Remember, no answers can be, “because God says so.”)

How’d you do?

Despite sex/marriage being a common topic in Scripture, very few Christians can answer these questions. 

Satan’s schemes depend on lies and deception and by understanding God’s heart for marriage, sex and gender we make it harder for sexual sin to develop roots; even more so as we grow in understanding of why we act out.

Understanding of addiction

Psychologists classify addiction as an anxiety disorder because behind impulsive behaviors are a series of negative emotions that addicts learn to numb out with the behavior. This means two great things you can do for the long-term health of your child are:

1. Allow them to feel the weight of difficult emotions and learn to process them in healthy ways. The goal here is to lean into the pain so they can process it and move beyond it, NOT to avoid/numb the discomfort.
2. Remove opportunities for numbing behavior. Anything we numb with can become a habit… the more mesmerizing or stimulating, the more capacity it has to ensnare us in addiction. 

Early in recovery, I started playing video games to numb the pain of a struggling marriage. I thought I was doing better because I wasn’t looking at porn, but really, I was just numbing a different way without actually progressing. If we want freedom from numbing behavior, we must learn to go through pain without numbing it. 

If your kids are like I was, they will have severe withdrawal symptoms if they’ve become dependent on a stimulating activity to numb pain. However, as parents, it’s our job to equip our kids to be mature adults especially when it’s difficult.

We’ll dive more into understanding addiction and healing in the Courage Reclaimed Podcast too!

2. Community

Being in a real, vulnerable community is the opposite of the isolation that addiction thrives in. By allowing your kids to see you having fun with other guys, see you processing through difficult topics, praying earnestly with/for brothers in Christ and overall modeling deep relationships, you set them up for a healthy community. 

Deep community is vital to a healthy life and must be modeled for kids.UnmuteAdvanced SettingsFullscreenPauseRewind 10 SecondsUp Next

Some of the most common triggers for guys to act out include loneliness, boredom and an unmet desire to belong. Being in the deep community helps prevent addiction from setting in and helps reduce triggers to act out!

A common way kids will learn to develop deep relationships is by observing their parents. They want to see what a healthy disagreement looks like. What it looks like to pursue a relationship, how to listen well, and ask good questions.

As we model it, we can also promote opportunities for our kids to implement the same depth in their own friendships. We can encourage them to invite friends over from church for activities that promote conversation, the deepening of relationships and memories.

3. Confession

Confession is crucial to recovery, yet we live in a culture that values hiding flaws. According to 1 John, we’re called to “walk in the light” and “confess our sins” to other believers.

By creating a culture in the home where parents admit when they’re wrong without justification, we set our kids up to model the same behavior. A home where all parties acknowledge when they’re wrong and confess to each other when they make mistakes is a home where addiction will struggle to take root.

Closing encouragement

Begin where you are right now. Don’t let the discouragement of what you have/haven’t done keep you from parenting how you should now. Rather, take this as an opportunity to confess to your kids that you haven’t done a great job with ________ in your own life and would like the whole family to work together to grow.

By developing a culture of confession, community and understanding in the home, we make it MUCH more difficult for Satan to get a foothold in our lives for any sin AND if it does get a foothold, your kids will already have familiarity with the tools to pursue freedom!

Originally published at Courage Reclaimed. 

Matt Willis is the founder of Courage Reclaimed. He is a broken-free husband and soon-to-be father who resides in Boise, Idaho with his wife, Sarah. He is passionate about seeing men step out of shame and live the courageous life they are called to in Christ.

www.christianpost.com

First, children were created by God and sent to earth by God Himself. The most mysterious of God’s creations is man. The human body is amazing. God created man in His image, the only creature with a personality and the ability to communicate with one another and God. King David reflected on this when he wrote, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13). Just as a woman knits stitch by stitch to create a beautiful garment for her beloved, so God mysteriously creates each child in the womb and brings that baby into the world. He made you with unimaginable wisdom and power. Everything about our bodies is a mystery. Every part has a role and works together to make a miracle. Our appearance, character, temperament and talents are innate. Each person is uniquely made, just as each person’s fingerprints are unique. After God created man, He saw that it was very good. Every child on the planet is precious to God.

Second, God has an amazing plan for every child. Not one is born by accident. Children are so precious to God that He sends them into this world in His perfect timing and into families of His choosing. David reveals this mystery when he says, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!” (Psalm 139:16-17). The apostle Paul wrote, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10). The fact that God Almighty knows every child and has great plans for them shows how much God values children. Therefore, the mission of parents is to do everything in their power to help their children fulfill the will of God.

Third, God wants His Kingdom to be inherited and the knowledge of Him to fill the earth as the waters cover the sea (Isaiah 11:9). He desires children to put faith in Christ and become heirs of the Kingdom of God. To this end, before the Israelites entered the land of Canaan, God told them three times to teach their children about God and His Word so “that their children, who have not known it, may hear and learn to fear the Lord your God, as long as you live in the land that you are going over the Jordan to possess” (Deuteronomy 31:13). Psalm 78:5-6 tells us God commanded them “… to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children,” so those yet unborn may know God’s laws and continue the line of faith.

Children are so precious to God. Throughout history, there have been events that seemed to lead to a breakdown of the faith, but like a shoot from the root, God allowed the next generation to rise up and continue the line of faith, demonstrating the greatness of God. Proverbs 22:6 tells us, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Jesus showed his disciples the heart of the Heavenly Father for children when He said, “So it is not the will of my Father who is in Heaven that one of these little ones should perish” (Matthew 18:14). A few days after that, when His disciples were rebuking those who brought children to Him, Jesus spoke in one of the strongest tones in the New Testament. He said, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:14). The Bible tells us Jesus strongly rebuked His disciples and then took the children in His arms and blessed them.

The Lord spoke of how we should value children in an unconventional way. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me” (Matthew 18:5). Jesus treated children as VIPs, telling us to value and receive them as we value and receive Jesus.

Children are precious to God. He sent them to earth in His time, in His appointed place, through the person He wanted, for a special plan. Our job is to make this precious fact known.

Jeremiah Cho is the President of Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF), the largest child evangelism ministry in the world, and has served with the ministry since 1988 in various roles. He first served from his home country of South Korea and then as a missionary in Sri Lanka. Now, he leads from CEF’s headquarters in Missouri.

www.christianpost.com

Provide a faithful presence

As parents and caregivers, when we see our children suffering, our impulse is to jump immediately into action mode. Sometimes urgent intervention is the right and necessary thing to do. But it is also often the case that children who are facing trials need our faithful presence more than our problem-solving skills. We know from our own experience that in times of turmoil, sometimes we simply want to be comforted by the presence of a loved one — someone who will patiently sit with us rather than rush to fix us, someone with whom we feel safe.

Our children yearn for that type of refuge as well, and one of the highest privileges of being a parent is that we get to reflect this aspect of God’s good character in our homes.

If parenting can be compared to shepherding, this part of our role is the one in which the shepherd comes to know his sheep so well that his mere presence is a comfort to the flock. Likewise, there is a way in which we can embody the peace of God while pointing our children to Him as our ultimate rock and refuge (Ps. 18:2). When crisis barges into our children’s lives, we have an opportunity to be there for them in a way that communicates a calming reassurance over their distress. Before we even lift a finger to help resolve the crisis at hand, our presence and demeanor can show our children that we are with them and for them and, even better, so is God. In times of need, we can remind our children that the Lord is near to all who call on Him (Ps. 145:18).

Practice wise shepherding

An added benefit of practicing the habit of faithful presence in the lives of our children is that it helps equips us to know how to intervene when the time is right. The better a shepherd knows his sheep, the better prepared he is to tend and care for them. This relational wisdom will be invaluable as you help your children navigate the many obstacles life will send their way.

In his letter to the Philippians, Paul gives us a glimpse of the balance between a calming presence and informed, engaged care. He sows peace with a reminder that “the Lord is at hand; [therefore] do not be anxious about anything,” while also commending how the Philippians cared for him: “It was kind of you to share my trouble” (Phil. 4:5–6, 14). For Paul and the Philippians, the peace they shared paved the way for timely acts of kindness and compassion.

A wise shepherd knows when it’s time for faithful presence to step forward into active assistance. Sometimes that means being a guardrail while still giving our children the space to work through challenges on their own; sometimes it means stepping in to give hands-on support. Whatever the situation, when our children are hard-pressed with troubles and trials, we can be on the lookout for ways to come alongside to bear their burden (Gal. 6:2). This, too, takes wisdom because every situation and child are different. There is no one-size-fits-all playbook here, so godly wisdom is needed to meet each child where he or she is. As we gauge the gravity of the trial and a particular child’s capacity to handle it, wisdom means tailoring our engagement to the situation.

Point them to hopeful horizons

Whatever the trial, and however thoughtfully we may be supporting our children through it, there is a potential danger of falling prey to short-sightedness. As we walk with our children through difficult situations, it’s possible to become so engrossed in the problem itself that we forget to fix our eyes upward on the Deliverer.

Few of us do this intentionally; more often it’s just that our burdens are pressing in so hard against us — especially when our children are affected — that it’s all we can do to catch our breath. As we shift into survival mode, we focus on our surrounding circumstances and lose sight of the bigger picture. Our children can have this same reaction during times of hardship, which means we have an opportunity to remind them of where our true hope is found. As the shepherd points his flock toward safe pasture, we who are called to walk with children through the valley of shadows have the privilege of directing their eyes upward toward the horizon, to the hope we have in Christ.

No matter how dark their surroundings may be, we can help them look to Jesus, the light of the world (John 8:12) whose righteous path “shines brighter and brighter until full day” (Prov. 4:18). What peace is found when we help our children look beyond the darkness, up and out of the valley, toward the unshakable hope we have in the marvelous light of Jesus.

This article was first published in Tabletalk, the Bible study magazine of Ligonier Ministries. Find out more at TabletalkMagazine.com or subscribe today at GetTabletalk.com.

Dr. Scott James is an infectious diseases doctor and an elder at The Church at Brook Hills in Birmingham, Ala. He is author of several books for children and families, including God Cares for Me: Helping Children Trust God When They’re Sick.

www.christianpost.com

Part of fighting for a culture of life is using language that reflects the reality of the person and the worth of unborn babies. Hence, I’m a father of three and I have been since our precious child was conceived. A father of three boys, to be exact.

My oldest son is 4-1/2 years old, and my middle son is about 2-1/2; taken together that’s about 7 years’ worth of parenting experience. This still puts me in the “rookie” or “new” parent category. So, while I don’t plan to dispense ex-cathedra edicts on how you should parent, I do want to share some lessons I’ve learned so far, with the hope that it benefits those who are parents and those who aspire to be.

You should read with your kids

Just the other night my oldest read out loud to us — his parents and his brother — the Bible story for the night before we put them to bed. It was rewarding and memorable, a tangible return on investment from the past 4+ years we have been reading to him every night. So, my first big piece of advice is this: It’s never too early to start reading to your kids. In particular, for Christian parents, reading the Bible. I can’t say I remember exactly when we started a “bedtime Bible story routine” with our first son, but it was in his first few months. I think we kicked it off as soon as we were putting him down in the crib or around the time he started sleeping through the night.

We’ve used a variety of different children’s Bibles or Bible-story books, but here are two that we have worn out (both by Kevin DeYoung). The first is The Biggest Story ABC, which covers the entire storyline of Scripture — bite-size biblical theology in illustrated and alphabetized form. Along with getting the Gospel right, it also teaches your young ones their ABCs, a true win-win. When our sons got a little older, we moved on to The Biggest Story Bible Storybook, which re-tells major portions of Scripture in an accessible way for little ears.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7, ESV, reminds us that this is exactly what God expects of parents:

“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

In obedience to this command, and along with the Bible “story” books, we regularly read the Bible itself, usually focusing on Psalms and short portions from the Gospels. It’s important for you to find a routine that works, whether that is after dinner at the table, in the morning, or when we do it — before bed.

And don’t just read the Bible! Read lots and lots and lots of books to your kids. It opens their minds, teaches them the fun of learning and language, provides endless entertainment, and equips them for the future.

You should sing with your kids

Right up there with reading is singing. Again, for Christian families, let me encourage regular hymn singing.  As with reading, you have to do it for your kids for years before they can join in with you, but don’t underestimate them! Our two-year-old is now quite capable of belting out “Christ Our Hope in Life and Death” while our four-year-old can sing “It Is Well With My Soul” from first to last. Along with singing to the boys before bed, we have made a somewhat regular habit of keeping the boys with us at the start of church services so they can join in the singing or sometimes rushing up to grab them from nursery/childcare and get them back into the service for the last song.

You might be surprised — singing the same songs to your kids over and over again also works wonders on your own heart. During the final few months of my wife’s second pregnancy, our son had more or less stopped growing in the womb. This made things tense, to say the least. Each night, then, as I put our firstborn down to bed, and sang “It Is Well With My Soul,” I was confronted and comforted by the words that came out of my mouth. Was it really well with my soul? Would I truly be able to trust God when “sorrows like sea billows roll?” Did I believe, deep down, that “whatever my lot” I could still say, “It is well, it is well with my soul?” Singing hymns to my children challenged me to grow in my own trust in God.

Music is a gift from God to all of His children. In Ephesians 5:18-19 we are commanded to “be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart.”

As parents, we bless our children when we obey this command, in both singing to them and teaching them to sing songs of praise to their God. Don’t worry about if you’re a good singer or not — I promise you, your kids don’t care. Want to parent well? Sing to your kids.

You should play with your kids

This may sound simple, but it bears repeating. Just like when Coach Lombardi wanted to “get back to basics,” he held up a football in front of his team and said, “This is a football,” so too parents (myself included) need to be reminded of this basic parenting fundamental: play with your children.

Fathers, don’t be too proud to get down on the floor with your boys. Wrestle with them. Be the “horsey.” Give them a ride on your back. Tickle them until they start crying from laughing so hard. Have sword fights. Turn empty cardboard boxes into rocket ships. Put your phones down and pick the kids up.

While I don’t have any girls (yet!) all three of these pieces of advice — to read, sing, and play — with your kids apply to boys and girls! As a father of boys, I wanted to give that last bit of advice to men — but it’s not a gendered concept. It’s just as good for mothers to play with their sons or play with their daughters. That said, Christian fathers have a special duty to pass on Christian masculinity to their sons, and one way to model that well is by doing just what I said — get on their level and just have fun together. It shows your sons that you care.

In Matthew 7:9-11, Jesus reflects on the comparative (unmeasurable) goodness of our heavenly Father. He asks, rhetorically,

“Which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

One of the simple, enduring gifts you can give your children is your time, time spent playing with them. You would be surprised how much you can learn about your kids when you pursue unstructured, imaginative play time. You get to know them and how their minds work. They get to see you laugh and relax. So whatever else you do, make sure to play with your kids.

Conclusion

Being a parent is hard. Being a father in a day and age that increasingly denounces godly masculinity is hard, too (and the same goes for mothers in a culture that denigrates godly womanhood and motherhood).

But God, our Father, provides the grace and strength that Christian parents need to raise their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Amazingly, this provision comes through His Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ. The Christian faith is truly a family affair.

While there are more things than these three that I’ve learned as a father of three, these have been crucial pillars of my parenting program thus far and I plan to continue doing them for as long as the Lord allows. Read (the Bible), sing (hymns), and play with your kids. They will benefit from it — and you will too.

Originally published at the Standing for Freedom Center. 

William Wolfe served as a senior official in the Trump administration, both as a deputy assistant secretary of defense at the Pentagon and a director of legislative affairs at the State Department. Prior to his service in the administration, Wolfe worked for Heritage Action for America, and as a congressional staffer for three different members of Congress, including the former Rep. Dave Brat. He has a B.A. in history from Covenant College, and is finishing his Masters of Divinity at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.
Follow William on Twitter at @William_E_Wolfe

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They develop new relationships with their abilities every day when they take risks (and even when they fail). They ask and learn the answers to questions like: Am I capable? Am I enough? Can I do this myself? Can I ask for help, or is that a failure?

Knowing this, we as parents can help them find the answers they need by adopting this perspective: Safe risk-taking is good for our children.

Risk is a good thing for our kids. It’s an essential part of preparing them for a full, free, independent life. And isn’t that what we want for them? Healthy risk-taking also develops grit, resilience and self-confidence in our kids.

We need to invest in these experiences and rethink our approach to risk management. And it’s hard — I get it. We want to protect our kids and not let anything bad happen to them, yes, but if we protect them too much they aren’t going to be prepped and ready for their adult years.

It’s also the case that these controlled risks have important long-term cognitive and psychological benefits. Children allowed to try and fail can train their brains to adopt a growth mindset, rather than a fixed one: Failure is a starting point, rather than an endpoint.

Research support this, suggesting that children go through a series of “crises” when they’re very young, that heavily influence their willingness to problem-solve independently, trust themselves or others, or take control of their lives. The earliest one occurs during the first year, when infants learn to trust.

But as children age, the “crises” and the impact of their resolutions become more complex: Around ages 3-6, when they start school, they’re exploring the limits of their own resourcefulness and usefulness. A little later — between ages 6-12 — they develop a sense of their competence and ability to master new and difficult tasks. As teens, their personal and social identities’ stability is determined, also by trial and error.

These “crises” are moments when children face the decision to either persist through failure or fear, or to shy away. I’ve seen my own children face these moments and watched them grow through them.

For instance, my son and daughter both recently ran for school council leadership. My daughter won her election and my son didn’t — yet I saw both of them thrive. My daughter had a great time being in charge. My son, on the other hand, was proud of his work: He knew he’d tried, that he’d persisted, and that our whole family was proud of him for doing so despite all the unknowns and anxieties associated with running for office.

Surrounding them in these moments with a safe environment and enthusiastic, loving peers and mentors helps them learn to persist, even when it’s hard. That’s why I love the WinShape Camps environment so much. It’s a safe place — one that isn’t overseen by mom or dad — where kids can take risks and reap the rewards of doing so.

At camp, we can help them rewire their brains. Struggle is part of the learning process, and so is failure! Mistakes can be celebrated — in fact, they should be, since research shows our brains develop new and important pathways when mistakes are made and corrected. Children who can regroup after failure are more emotionally resilient, with better problem-solving skills and less anxiety.

That’s why risk is so good, and so important for kids. These aren’t minor skills for children. They are essential to their growth and development.

That’s a bit hard for many moms to wrap their heads around. After all, we want our children to feel and to be safe! No mother wants her child to struggle or be afraid. But we also need to remember that our goal as parents is to help them lead full lives, lives with purpose, independence, richness and complexity. That’s something they need to learn to do on their own.

And that means trusting our kids to learn to trust themselves. It means letting them learn how to take falls, how to make mistakes, how to conquer their fears. But those lessons don’t come without a fall, a mistake, or a moment of fear.

Okay, parents, we can do this. Wrap your kids up in love, encouragement and empowerment — and then step back, and let them be brave.

Amy Lowe is the director of WinShape Camps for Girls and oversees WinShape Camps for Families. She has a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration from Samford University and a Master of Arts in Theology from Fuller Theological Seminary. Like most other moms, her hobbies include laundry, running the robot vacuum, and unloading the dishwasher.

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