The report, released this week by Communio and the Institute for Family Studies, found that parental religious practice and family relationships strongly predict whether faith is retained into adulthood.

Among key findings, 41% of children whose parents both attended church weekly went on to attend weekly as adults. That compared with 29% of children with only one parent attending church regularly.

The study also found that children reporting strong relationships with both parents were 97% more likely to believe in God as adults than those with weaker parental relationships.

The report, titled Passing the Torch: How Faith Moves Across Generations, draws on four national datasets, including the Global Flourishing Study and the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health. Researchers said it is among the most comprehensive analyses to date of how faith is transmitted across generations.

“Faith isn’t something kids are going to get from the culture,” said Jesse Smith, a co-author of the report and assistant professor at The Ohio State University. “Our study shows that parents are the most important figures for their children’s spiritual formation. They’re the key role models, teachers, and tone-setters.”

Researchers found that regular faith conversations at home, active parental involvement, strong marriages and close parent-child relationships were among the strongest predictors of continued religious practice.

The report also highlighted the particular influence of fathers. Children who experienced faith discussions involving their fathers were more likely to continue those conversations with their own children in adulthood.

Parents who reported high marital satisfaction also reported more frequent faith-related discussions with their children compared with those who reported lower satisfaction.

J.P. De Gance, founder and CEO of Communio, said the findings underscore the importance of the family environment in shaping religious belief. “The married home is the most impactful small group,” he said.

The report includes 10 recommendations for parents and church leaders, including encouraging parental role modeling, strengthening marriages, and making faith a regular topic of family life. It also urges churches to expand youth ministry efforts, involve parents more directly in religious education and engage fathers more intentionally.

Communio is a nonprofit ministry that equips churches to strengthen relationships, marriages and family life. The Institute for Family Studies is a nonprofit organization focused on research and public education related to marriage and family.

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For young ones witnessing violent unrest and gruesome accounts across the Middle East, it’s terrifying. Our children can become paralyzed by their fear of conflict (whether from actual or culture wars) and as parents, we can become paralyzed in our own fear of guiding them toward peace.

Children, especially today’s teens, are seeking information as engaged global citizens. What a gift to raise little people who care so deeply for the world! But without parental guidance, “research” and “concern” can quickly devolve into accepting half-truths and forming emotionally charged, factless opinions.

And according to a recent report, 84% of teens have a dismal view of the news media, leaving those who are seeking insight into current events highly impressionable to manipulation and influence. To combat false information, teach your child the skills of critical thinking and media literacy.

Following the 1992 Aspen Media Literacy Leadership Institute, The Center for Media Literacy defines media literacy as “the ability to access, analyze, evaluate and create media in a variety of forms.” Today’s children are taking in media of various forms more than ever before, but do they understand the messages they’re taking in?

Identifying bias, parsing out fact from fiction, and seeking truth in media may sound like a daunting task for young ones, but building this awareness starts with a few basic questions:

• Who created this content, and why did they create it?
• Was this content created by a “civilian,” a media professional, a company, a comedian or someone else?
• What was their purpose in creating this content—was it to educate you, convince you, anger you, make you laugh or some other reason?
• Why do you think that is?
• Was this content intended to be an opinion piece or something that simply reported on facts?
• Am I trusting this content too easily?

Christ-followers are called to use discernment, or good judgment, to understand things through the power of the Holy Spirit. Ask questions and research elsewhere to gain a better, more well-rounded understanding. Investigate other voices on the topic and avoid only listening to one source in the media.

Is there another viewpoint to consider? Are you only getting part of the story? Consider how reading content from another country or another source might challenge the material provided in this piece of media. Avoid “good guy” and “bad guy” thinking and seek out ways to uncover the details of the story.

Researchers have found that heightened exposure to violence in the media, like television, movies, social media, video games and music, “can contribute to aggressive behavior, desensitization to violence, nightmares, and fear of being harmed.”

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends tactics to reduce exposure to media violence, including lessening screen time, following the guidance of age-based media ratings, and encouraging media literacy. But beyond squashing exposure to violence, parents can nurture tender empathy and compassion in their children to foster godliness:

• Empathize with your children. When they see and hear empathy carried out in their own experience, they’re more likely to extend the same care to others.
• Affirm that their gifts and talents can be used for the good of others and Christ’s Kingdom. Perhaps your child never quite grew out of that argumentative toddler stage, and it turns out, he or she a brilliant negotiator and advocate. Show them examples of leaders with careers in law who stand up for those who don’t have a legal voice in times of political conflict.
• Serve the community together. As a family, find ways in your local community to spread the light of Christ to those in darkness. Serving meals at a soup kitchen, collecting donations for a pregnancy care center, or spending time with the elderly in need of companionship are all great ways to stoke the spirit of compassion in your child.

As Christians, we are told over 500 times in the Bible not to fear. That is a fear warning for virtually every day of the year and then some. The Lord warns us that fear that results in worry is not from him; it is from the adversary.

He knows that fear can keep his followers from fulfilling the destiny that he has designed for us, and so he warns us in his precious word. The apostle Paul spoke about fear regularly. He warned the people of Philippi: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7, NIV).

Yes, fear is part of the human condition, but as part of the Body of Christ, we are called to faith over fear. We are called to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God will never leave us or forsake us—even in the midst of global conflict and war.

Patti Garibay is the founder and executive director emeritus of American Heritage Girls (AHG, www.AmericanHeritageGirls.org), a national Christ-centered leadership and character development program. For nearly three decades, AHG has been at the forefront of countering the culture by leading girls and women to create lives of integrity. Patti is the author of “Why Curse the Darkness When You Can Light A Candle?,” a story of trust and obedience to inspire those who desire to make a Kingdom impact yet struggle with the fear of inadequacy. Patti is the host of the Raising Godly Girls (RGG) podcast and “Raising Godly Girls” one-minute radio feature, which helps to equip, affirm and strengthen girls with timely Scripture-based advice.

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That conversation is not unusual. It is becoming ordinary.

The Church in our time is not facing a crisis of activity. It is facing a crisis of transmission. Faith remains present in many homes and churches. It is taught, celebrated, and defended. Yet it is no longer being carried forward as a personal and dependent relationship with Jesus with the same depth or continuity as with previous generations.

What was once passed on almost naturally across generations now requires a different kind of intention. The question before us is no longer whether faith is being taught. It is whether a living faith is being inherited.

For much of Christian history, faith traveled through life itself. Scripture assumes as much, when we sit at home and when we walk along the road. Children did not only receive instruction. They absorbed faith by watching it, living alongside it, hearing it in the way their parents spoke about difficulty and hope, seeing it in the ordinary days of a household that knew itself to be held by God. Teaching clarified what life had already begun to say.

That movement has not ceased. But it has been interrupted in a way that has no real precedent. What is different now is that the interruption is happening inside the home, with the child’s willing participation, and through a formation environment that most parents do not fully see. We may be the first generation to face this particular challenge, not from outside pressure, but from a presence that is quiet, personal, responsive, and shaping the inner life of our children while we are in the next room.

Children today grow up inside more than one world. There is the visible world of home, neighborhood, and congregation. Running alongside it, and increasingly inside it, is another world shaped by the digital and now by artificial intelligence.

This world listens—and responds—when no one else is available. It answers without impatience. It learns what a child is drawn toward and quietly offers more of it. It does not merely distract. Over time, it forms. It shapes what a child pays attention to, and attention, sustained across years, shapes desire, perception, and the quiet sense of what is true and what belongs.

Much of this formation now takes place in private, through long stretches of quiet interaction with a device, where questions are asked, answers received, and impressions formed without anyone else knowing what is being shaped.

In many homes, this means that a child may spend more time in genuine interaction with a screen than in meaningful conversation with a parent or pastor, let alone praying to God who is likely to seem less responsive and answer more mysteriously, if an answer is discerned at all.

Some will rightly point out that these same digital tools can be used for good, to deliver scripture, to answer honest questions about faith, to reach young people in places where no pastor is present. That is true, and it matters.

The question is not whether such tools have value. It is whether a child who turns to an artificial voice before turning to a human or divine one is being formed in ways that make faith more or less believable as a lived reality. There is a difference between using a tool and being shaped by a presence. That distinction is what the Church must learn to hold.

The next generation will not be unformed. They will be deeply formed. The only question is whether that formation happens within relationships that are embodied, accountable, and anchored in Christ, or within influences that are adaptive, persuasive, and answerable to no one.

There are young people today, some of them children of pastors and missionaries, who have not simply drifted from faith. They have constructed, often alone, over years of quiet digital immersion, a complete interior world in which the faith of their parents is believed to be not only untrue but harmful.

They are not indifferent. They are convinced, and the conviction was built in rooms their parents assumed were safe, by voices no one thought to take seriously until it was almost too late.

In some of these homes, God has come to feel indistinguishable from the authoritarian the child experiences in daily life. That is not primarily a theological problem. It is a relational one. And it did not begin with bad doctrine. It began with absence. We must work to be present and engaged, demonstrating faith with them in our everyday living.

But there is another version of this crisis that is perhaps harder to see, and harder still to name. It is the young person who has not left, who still attends, who can speak fluently about grace and calling and the presence of God, but whose actual life, conversations, friendships, and choices are indistinguishable from those who make no claim to faith at all. The vocabulary of faith remains intact. The worldview does not.

Their ambitions, their fears, their very sense of what life is for, these have been formed by the age they inhabit, not by the faith they profess. Paul’s call in Romans 12 to be transformed by the renewing of the mind assumes that faith does not merely add beliefs to an existing framework. It renovates the framework itself. That renovation is what is missing. And without it, the faith a young person carries is more language than life.

This is not a failure of information. They have received plenty. It is a failure of formation. Somewhere the faith they were given did not become a faith they inhabit.

The struggles themselves are not new. Every generation has faced peer pressure, confusion about identity, the pull of substance and desire, the difficulty of relationships. These are not signs of unique moral collapse. They are the ordinary weight of being human in a broken world.

What has changed is not the nature of the struggle but the depth of the interior resources available to meet it. When faith is genuinely inherited, it does not remove the struggle. It gives a person somewhere to stand within it, trusting in someone standing with them. That by-faith standing place is thinning.

The Church must be willing to look at itself honestly here.

For several decades, our primary response to the challenge of the next generation has been to increase activity. More programs, more events, more age-specific structures, built with sincerity and care. But in building them, we quietly relocated discipleship from the shared life of the community into designated spaces, led by designated people, at designated times. 

Families assumed that what was reinforced at church would be sufficient. Churches assumed that what was begun at home would continue. Between the two, the intergenerational life through which faith is ordinarily carried grew thin.

We taught about the faith. But we did not always form a people in whom it could be inherited.

When faith is consistently explained but rarely practiced and seen living in the ordinary textures of daily life, in the way a family handles money, conflict, suffering, and gratitude, it struggles to take root. Children may learn its language without learning its weight. A faith not witnessed and celebrated at close range rarely survives at distance.

Recovering generational discipleship therefore begins not with a new program but with a recovered way of life. The home must again become a place of genuine presence. Where prayer is not an activity introduced for the children’s benefit, but a reality the children are welcomed into because it is already real for the adults. Where forgiveness is practiced between parents, not only taught to the young. Where trust in God is visible, especially in the seasons when trust costs something.

The Church, alongside this, must become what it is called to be in local expression. Not a collection of parallel age-group ministries, but a household. A place where children are genuinely known, where the old carry memory and the young carry energy, and where both are recognized as necessary. 

Churches must be places where faith is not delivered from a platform but witnessed in a shared life. Something passes in that kind of community that no program can manufacture or schedule. It grows in ordinary time, through the quiet fidelity of people who keep showing up for one another.

There is one more dimension that must be named, and it may be the most demanding of all.

In a world of many competing voices, the deeper work of discipleship is the formation of discernment. Children do not only need to know what is true. They need to learn, over time and through trusted relationship, whose voice can be relied upon and why.

The question is not only what our children believe. It is whose voice they are learning, at the deepest level, to follow.

That kind of formation cannot be hurried or manufactured. It grows through attention, through relationship, through faith proved reliable in actual circumstances. It rests on the confidence that the truth we seek to hand on is not fragile, that our shepherd still calls, and that his voice can still be recognized by those who have been patiently helped to listen.

There is no room for panic in any of this. There is, however, an urgent need for honesty, and for a different quality of intention.

The patterns that once carried faith forward will not do so automatically any longer. The inheritance must now be given deliberately, through lives that are visible, shared, and experientially rooted in Christ across generations.

The future of the Church will not be secured by stronger programs or more polished content. It will be shaped by the quality of lives shared across generations, lives in which Christ is not only proclaimed but known, not only taught but trusted.

That work belongs to no agency, no mission statement, no strategy document, no conference resolution or spur of the moment decision. Furthermore, it will not be done for us.

Rev. Vijayesh Lal serves as the General Secretary of the Evangelical Fellowship of India (EFI). He has been deeply involved in training, socio-economic development, advocacy, and research initiatives in and outside India. He is the Editor of a monthly magazine AIM published by EFI publication Trust in India.

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The biblical roots of honoring our parents are strong, but so is the admonition of Paul in the book of Titus, where he instructs the older women to disciple the younger women in the church (Titus 2:3-5).

While many of us have wonderful, loving moms we have looked up to in life, they are not always the only “motherly” influences in the general day-to-day. I’m not sure about you, but I have certainly experienced this in action throughout my life. So, I, with some of my colleagues, would like to pay tribute to some of the godly women in our lives this Mother’s Day and challenge all of us to be that mentor to others.

Spiritual mothers uplift us — Rebecca’s story

In my decades of church attendance and throughout my spiritual walk with the Lord, God has placed amazing women in my path to instruct, guide, and love me when I’ve needed it most.

As a teenager, struggling to find my place among peers, my place within my own youth group, and my place in the community in which we lived, I had one such teacher who served as a youth leader in our church. Cheryl was kind, funny, a superb listener, and didn’t mince words when it came to her admonishment of our giggly group of awkward teenage girls.

Most importantly, she consistently reminded all of us who we were in Christ. She encouraged us when we would feel “less than,” unworthy, or unloved. Cheryl held us up in the light of God’s great love for us in times when we felt our worlds crumbling down. She helped set me on a path of confidence in Christ that stayed with me as I went off to college.

Enter Karyn.

Four hours away from home and knowing a grand total of six people from my hometown, my freshman year of college was off to an unnerving start as my family dropped me off at my dorm on campus and I thought to myself, “Now what?”

It didn’t take long for me, however, to connect with a woman I had previously known who relocated to my new city six years before I arrived. I quickly got plugged into a church in town with a thriving college ministry and Karyn invited me over for dinner after church many Sundays throughout that first year.

In facing countless uncertainties as a newly minted “grown-up,” my second mom, as I called her, ensured I never felt alone and always had a place to land when things got hard. Her hugs, her encouragement, and her homecooked Southern meals were the balm my weary heart needed through school, through career decisions, and beyond.

Though sadly neither of these wonderful women are still here, I take comfort in knowing I will spend eternity with them praising God and will get to tell them, “Thank you for giving to the Lord; I am a life that was changed.”

Spiritual mothers challenge us — Melissa’s story

The summer before my senior year of college, I felt the Lord calling me to a domestic mission project through Cru. While I anticipated that those few months would be marked by growth and fun memories, I didn’t foresee how much they would change the course of my life. But Jennifer did.

Jennifer was a full-time domestic missionary for Cru. She led my small group and discipled me one-on-one during that summer. Jennifer and I hit it off quickly, our time together often mixed with equal amounts of deep spiritual conversation and deep belly laughs. She spoke into my gifts and nurtured my weaknesses, encouraging me to be a leader among my peers that summer.

At the end of the mission project, we spoke of my plans for using the marketing degree I’d soon earn. She shook her head and slid a slim packet of papers across the table — an application for full-time ministry. “I see something else for you,” Jennifer said. “Don’t fill it out now. Just pray about it.” I took that packet with shaky hands and kept it on my desk all fall semester, following Jennifer’s instructions to pray.

Sure enough, with a few months to go before graduation, I took a blue pen in much more confident hands, filled out the application, and changed the entire trajectory of my life. Without Jennifer’s challenge, I absolutely wouldn’t have done it. And I would’ve missed out on so many faith-stretching, wonder-filled years on a path only God (and Jennifer!) could see for me.

The Lord called Jennifer home a few years ago. But before He did, she left a legacy of challenge and faith to her five biological children as well as dozens of spiritual daughters. I count it a true blessing to have been one of them.

Spiritual mothers set an example — Allison’s Story

My spiritual mother is truly one-of-a-kind, a beautiful example of the Proverbs 31 woman who Christian women aspire to be. She is warm, kind, and loving, embodying the qualities of Jesus. With a Master of Divinity from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, she brings wisdom as a wife, mother of seven, and friend to many. Her faithful commitment to grow in Jesus Christ daily is evident in how she loves others deeply, cares for the lowly, prioritizes others’ needs over her own, and remains faithful to the Father.

When I met Kate, she gave me the push I needed to deepen my faith, to “doubt my doubts,” and to finally trust and believe in the truth found in God. She and her husband Dan invited me and my now husband into their home for meals and fellowship, and demonstrated what a faithful Christian home looks like.

They quickly became family to us, as well as the type of family we hope to build one day — not because they’re perfect, but because they love God, love others, and live according to the Word. They have a contagious joy that can only come from the Lord.

Kate, embodying the teachings of Titus 2:3-5, took time from her busy life to invest in me. She invested time in mentoring me and emphasizing the importance of seeking God in Scripture. She introduced me to valuable resources, encouraged independent study of the Word, and prayed for me sincerely. She provided a safe space for sharing struggles and always helps find answers to my many theological questions. Her prayerful support is unwavering, and I’m grateful for her presence as I continue to grow in my faith. Kate embodies the kind of woman I hope to be — a true spiritual mother.

Spiritual mothers show up – Debbie’s story

I am a mother to two, except on Sunday nights when I become a spiritual mother to about 100 teens. I am privileged to be part of a robust Jr./Sr. High youth group at my church. I’m in my fourth year of serving as one of the leaders, so I’ve had time to build relationships and trust among many of the students.

I have found that trust is built through time. As the students noticed that I consistently showed up, played games with them, sat in the lesson with them, taught the lesson occasionally, and then sat with them in discussions, they started to see my heart, and it opened theirs. 

I love it when we are away at a youth retreat and one of the girls asks me for prayer or confides in me about something going on in their lives. I have found that sometimes youth like to talk to someone who is not in their home. It warms my heart to know that they can come to me. They know I will lovingly direct them back to the Word without judgement.

What they don’t know is that, at times, they were the ones who gave me just what I needed. A few weeks back, a couple of the youth girls saw me at a church event, ran up to me to give me a hug, and wanted to sit with me. Little did they know that was exactly what I needed that day. 

I love this season of being a spiritual mother to not only my kids but 100 of their friends; it blesses me every week.

Conclusion

As many of us strive to be spiritual mothers to young women while drawing from the example of others, do we open our mouths with wisdom, is kindness on our tongues, do we fear the Lord, and are we seeking guidance from the Lord in all we do? (Proverbs 31) Pray and ask how God would use you in the lives of young women in your church and communities.

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However, I continued the conversation to understand why she felt this way. She explained that in my sermon, I had equated God to a father, and that had deeply disturbed her. She went on to share her story of being sexually and physically abused by her father. She said that understanding God as a father made her angry and upset.

This incident made me realize how parental behavior and ungodly expressions of family life and parenting can have a deeply negative impact on how God’s love and grace are perceived.

Create missional habitats

Influencing our children for eternity is possible if they grow up in a missional habitat. What do I mean by a missional habitat? It is an environment that reflects the presence and purpose (or mission) of God. The word “missional” is rooted in reflecting the nature of God and his mission. A missional habitat is the kind of environment the first couple (Adam and Eve) enjoyed—walking and talking with God regularly before their fall.

The age-old foundation laid in Deuteronomy 6 instructs parents to create a habitat conducive to their children’s spiritual growth. It is deeply reflective of the habitat God gave His first human children, Adam and Eve. The presence of God and his word forms the sacred space where the next generation will thrive. It impacts their thoughts, their behavior, and their conversations.

Deuteronomy 6:4 calls us to: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” This must be the lifestyle and experience of the parents, who are commanded to impress God’s love upon their children.

This impression is not made through casual teaching or by merely memorizing a few verses, but by creating an atmosphere saturated with His Word. Whether they wake up, sit down, walk along the road, or lie down, the call is to intentionally provide the right foundation for children to bloom.

It is the intentional responsibility of parents to ensure the right foundations are laid—foundations that cannot be shaken by any whirlwind of teachings contrary to God’s plan and purpose.

Create missional homes

A home where scripture becomes the foundation, and every member lives to fulfill God’s purpose embedded in His love, is what I call a missional home. Such missional homes emulate the character of God in their daily living.

Based on my research and extensive reading on the missional church, I have identified five characteristics of what a missional home looks like. This is also reflective of the family of the Godhead, from whom all families on earth derive their name (Ephesians 3:15). The five-fold characteristics reflect Christ to everyone at home and outside. They display Christ in:

• Worship
• Affection
• Incarnation
• Attraction and
• Nurture.

Emulate Kingdom principles

How can we intentionally create a habitat, so our families thrive, and our children have the right foundation to withstand the onslaught of various worldly influences? The answer lies in reflecting Christ-like nature at home.

The best gift parents can give their children is to demonstrate their love for each other by embodying love and respect—a reflection of Christ and the Church (see Ephesians 5:22–33). 

When husbands fail to show the love their wives long for, and when wives fail to offer the respect, their husbands need to feel valued and loved, the home environment becomes damaged and broken. 

Children growing up in dysfunctional homes will never be able appreciate or even understand what real love is. Their closest experience of love in their growing up, vulnerable age is not anywhere close to God’s expectation for the family. It has deep implication in the understanding of God’s love, and encourages the child to reject the God of their parents as God’s love was never demonstrated at home.

More than just rights and responsibilities

The scriptural command for husbands and wives to love and submit to one another has often been interpreted through the lens of rights and responsibilities. Instead, it must be understood through the lens of Christ’s demonstration of love for His Church—where He laid down His life to express His deep love.

Loving demonstrations of Christ’s love between a husband and a wife are missing in many homes, and that absence leads many children to develop a negative perception of God and his beautiful plan for families.

Children need a Christ-like, missional, habitat to love and understand their Creator. If every Christian home prayerfully cultivated a space that reflects God’s love and character, many of our children will be drawn to Christ and will long to establish a godly home of their own someday.

Let us pray that every Christian home becomes a demonstration of Christ-like love so that the Church will not lose future generations to the world and the enemy.

I have expanded on these thoughts in my book Becoming a Missional Family, which is also available as a Bible study video series on RightNow Media.

PC Mathew and his wife Ciby, are leaders in family life education in India. They run Urban India Ministries (www.urbanindia.org), a major family ministry in South Asia, and founded the UIM-Family Research and Training Institute (www.uimfrti.org), offering academic programs in family life education and counseling. PC is also the Global Director of WEA-Family Challenge (https://family.worldea.org/).

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“Married women are more likely than their unmarried counterparts to report feeling deep connection and meaning in their relationships,” San Diego State University psychology professor Jean Twenge, Brigham Young University professor Jenet Erickson and IFS researchers Wendy Wang and Brad Wilcox conclude in the report released this month titled “In Pursuit: Marriage, Motherhood, and Women’s Well-Being.”

“They are also less likely to be lonely and more likely to receive physical affection — both strong predictors of happiness. Mothers are also more likely to find meaning and purpose in life.”

Even though raising a family comes with many challenges, such as increased stress and reduced personal time, researchers contend that there is “no question that marriage and motherhood are linked to greater female flourishing on many other fronts.”

“Moreover, marriage shapes and magnifies the experience of motherhood,” the researchers wrote. 

The findings were derived from responses provided by 3,000 U.S. women, aged 25 to 55, in the Women’s Well-Being Survey conducted by YouGov between March 1 and 12. The data suggests nearly twice as many married mothers, compared to unmarried women without children, reported being “very happy.”

Married women were also more likely than unmarried women to say that life is enjoyable most or all of the time. Some 47% of married mothers and 43% of married childless women say life is enjoyable most or all the time, compared to 40% of unmarried mothers and 34% of unmarried childless women.

Fewer married women experienced constant loneliness when compared to their unmarried counterparts. Only 11% of married mothers and 9% of married women without children reported feeling lonely most or all of the time. Some 23% of unmarried mothers and 20% of unmarried childless women reported feeling that way.

“Contrary to a popular narrative that marriage entails social isolation, these findings show that married women are less lonely. While getting married and having children may mean less time hanging out with friends, marriage and children are also associated with other kinds of social engagement, including volunteer work, church attendance, and community connections,” the researchers note.

The study highlighted the vital role physical touch plays in women’s emotional and social health and how that affection from a spouse and children has been linked to “relaxation, increased trust, greater feelings of safety, and increased emotional resilience in multiple studies.”

“Touch elicits the release of oxytocin in the brain, promoting relaxation and reducing stress, while decreasing the sympathetic nervous system’s stress response. Lack of physical touch has been linked to feelings of loneliness and isolation,” the researchers note.

Approximately 47% of married mothers and 49% of married women without children reported high levels of physical touch in the study. Only 23% of unmarried mothers and 13% of unmarried women without children reported the same.

The data show that 58% of married women with children and 61% of married women without children report often receiving hugs or kisses, while only 36% of unmarried mothers and 18% of unmarried women without children said the same.  

“More frequent touch is itself a significant predictor of increased happiness,” researchers note. “Only 7% of women who report low levels of touch are very happy with their lives. In contrast, 22% of women who report high levels of touch are very happy.”

Contact: leonardo.blair@christianpost.com Follow Leonardo Blair on Twitter: @leoblair Follow Leonardo Blair on Facebook: LeoBlairChristianPost

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Brooks Adams from his earliest days as a child kept a diary. On one very special day while still the tender age of eight, Adams recorded in his journal, “Went fishing with my father; the most glorious day of my life.” Adams never forgot that day. He referenced it repeatedly in his writings for the next forty years. He said it had a powerful influence on his entire life.

Interestingly, Brooks’ father was a very important man; Charles Francis Adams, United States Ambassador to Great Britain during the Lincoln administration. He too made reference to the fishing trip in his own diary. It reads, “Went fishing with my son; a day wasted.”

I suppose some might see the story as showing the need for spending quality time with one’s children. Certainly, that’s one legitimate application. However, I see it more as an illustration of the manner in which we have influence over our children’s lives by completely insensible means.

We typically think of the extraordinary to be more influential in life than the ordinary. Yet I suggest it is in the insignificant events – the ones where we are the least aware – that display our true characters and make their mark on others around us.

W.H. Griffith Thomas, the marvelous Anglican cleric and scholar of the late 19th and early 20th centuries, has beautifully written:

“It is comparatively easy to shine on great occasions when we are conscious of the eyes of others are upon us; it is not by any means so easy to shine when we are free from the constraint of other people, when we are alone in our room doing the duty of the moment with equal need of faithfulness to God. Still more, we are being tested most thoroughly by those around us in our ordinary life when we are absolutely unconscious of anything of the kind.”

Horace Bushnell, a renowned Congregational minister and theologian of the 19th Century, who also taught at Yale, wrote insightfully on this same principle in a sermon titled, Unconscious Influence.

Bushnell said there are two sorts of influence, “active or voluntary, and that which is unconscious.” He argued there was a need for “a more thorough appreciation of the influence which is insensibly exerted.”

He cited that in nature it is those things of which we least take note that hold the earth together. The lightning with its incredible “glares and thunders and blasts,” he said, “is a mere firefly spark” in comparison to the “vastly more potent agent” of gravity – something we never notice.

Natural light, said Bushnell, fills “the world unconsciously with its beams.” It may seem “a very tame and feeble instrument, because it is noiseless,” unlike the earthquake that shakes the earth. Natural light “would not wake an infant in its cradle. And yet it perpetually new creates the world, rescuing it each morning as a prey from night and chaos. [T]he insensible influences of good men,” adds Bushnell, are “much more potent” than their voluntary acts, “as the great silent powers of nature are of greater consequence than her little disturbances and tumults.”

How true! And perhaps this is never better illustrated than in the way unconscious influence molds our children.

Bushnell writes:

“The child’s soul is purely receptive, and for a considerable period without choice or selection. A little further on, he begins voluntarily to copy everything he sees. And thus we have a whole generation of future men [and women] receiving from us their very beginnings, and the deepest impulses of their life and immortality; and when we are meaning them no good or evil, they are drawing from us molds of habit, which, if wrong, no heavenly discipline can wholly remove; or, if right, no bad associations utterly dissipate. It may be doubted whether, in all the active influence of our lives we do as much to shape the destiny of our fellow-men, as we do in this single article of unconscious influence over children.”

Poet Croft M. Pentz echoes the same, but in simpler terms:

There are little eyes upon you, and

They’re watching night and day,

There are little ears that quickly take in

Every word you say;

There are little hands all eager to do

Everything you do,

And a little boy who’s dreaming of the

Day he’ll be like you.

You’re the little fellow’s idol, you’re the

Wisest of the wise;

In his little mind about you no suspicions

Ever rise;

He believes in you devoutly, holds that

All you say and do

He will say and do in your way when

He’s grown up like you.

There’s a wide-eyed little fellow who

Believes you’re always right,

And his ears are always open and he

Watches day and night,

You are setting an example every day in

All you do,

For the little boy who’s waiting to grow

Up to be just like you.

I think it was humorist Josh Billings who wisely admonished, “Train up a child in the way he should go; and walk there yourself once in a while!”

Of course, no parent is always morally consistent. What is more, as our children mature, I think they come to understand better our humanity – our brokenness. But even so, when we recognize that we’ve taken the wrong path before them, we should admit it. When we need to apologize for a poor example, we can show them something critical about sin, God’s grace, and forgiveness if we humble ourselves and take responsibility.

I’m convinced we don’t usually lose our children for the mistakes we make. We lose them more often for failing to admit our mistakes and seek their pardon.

It is not the lightening that has the most effect on our children, it is the light shed in everyday life and in ordinary occurrences.

Rev. Mark H. Creech is executive director of the Raleigh-based Christian Action League of North Carolina Inc.

In school I distinctly remember being the last one picked for every single activity that I was a part of. They weren’t being mean. I was the lanky, uncoordinated kid who always dropped the ball. I was the teen who couldn’t get a date in his own high school. I clearly remember what it felt like to be laughed at by the girls. While all these things are painful memories, they pale in comparison to the inner hurt that which can grow up in the heart of a loner teen, a hurt that often leads to anger, then rage, then murder. Can they be reached? I believe they can be reached early. However, accomplishing this will take a concerted effort of prayer and a concrete, ongoing demonstration of the true love of Christ.

I so believe in the power of prayer that I would like to suggest that before beginning to reach out to loners, your church or youth group first begins to specifically pray for wisdom. Proverbs 4:7 says, “Wisdom is the principal thing!” When you begin by asking for wisdom everything else comes into line. The love you will need, the patience you will need, the kindness you will need, will all come from having the wisdom to ask for those things.

In order for youth groups trying to catch the burden for the “loner teens” I would encourage leaders to set the stage several weeks in a row. During the first week, break the teens up into small groups. One group could answer, “What would it be like to not have any friends?” Perhaps another group could answer What would it be like if I had no parents? , or simply, “What would it be like to feel totally and completely alone in this world?” Then have the entire group sit in a large circle and ones who wanted could read their letters out loud. Papers then could be posted on a wall.

On another night, discuss the pain of rejection and how it makes them feel inside. You may choose to discuss bullying the same night. You could create skits or play videos found on YouTube showing in a controlled way how a person feels deeply hurt when bullied and how that frequently leads to anger.

Then on a night when you want to have an awesome closing prayer meeting, ask your youth group if they can think of anyone in their school who fits the pattern of a “loner” student. Encourage them to be careful here and do not allow any jokes or making fun and do not name names. Try to be sure your youth group is feeling to a small degree what a “loner” feels like. If anyone in the room actually knows a loner type student in their school have them write the person’s name privately on a piece of paper, fold it, and put in in something like a hat to be prayed over by everyone. This will give the Holy Spirit a point of contact and He will be able to touch hearts.

The next week when they come back, begin to ask for ideas to reach out to the loner students. Ask the younger teens to rather think of the shy kids or those who tend to be bullied by others. Challenge everyone’s heart to avoid having cliques or groups that are exclusive. This is where we hope that not too much of the world has crept into the youth group. It’s these exclusive groups that are huge in the world, and shovel out the most rejection and pain to the loner teens.

Teach your youth that the number one strategy that will work to reach a loner teen is developing genuine one on one friendships. Loners always have their antennas up because they unfortunately have learned through much practice how to spot a phony and probably especially a Christian phony! Explain to the teens that just asking if you can set with a loner at lunch, during an assembly, or on the bus is all that should be done for a generous amount of time at first. Trying to force them into a conversation will turn them off. Its ok to talk but pray that God will help you with the words.

Morgan Freeman playing the part of God in the comedy “Evan Almighty,” teaches Steve Carell “The best way to change the world is one act of human kindness at a time.”

Remind your youth that the loner s didn’t become loners overnight. They have found what they believe is a safe place, being alone, where no one will be able to hurt them again. To have a new friend will seem risky to them so your youth must move slowly. They need to wait a long time before inviting them to youth group, praying for God’s timing. God will lead you to that place. Your youth should understand that they will be a type of missionary and as such will be on a mission.

If youth groups will implement an outreach to these teens in the schools we will eventually hear testimonies of their salvation. Can you imagine being at a large youth conference when a young man named Josh steps to the podium? His photograph is flashed up on the big screen.

He says, ” Here is a picture of me with the guns I was collecting because I was bitter and angry. I was a loner teen who was planning a school shooting. However, someone from Victory Church who attended my school reached out and became my friend. I ended up coming to youth group, and then to a retreat where I heard a testimony of a former gang member, and gave my life to Jesus Christ! Now instead of my heart being filled with hate, it’s now filled with love for everyone!”

www.christianpost.com

1. See beyond the symptoms. I watched my father in his role as minister engage individuals, couples, and families in all types of drama and trauma. He paid attention to the non-verbal cues—and saw past the hysterical to speak directly to wounded hearts. As a caregiver for a woman in relentless pain, my wife’s body does not always get to take priority over her hurting heart. The moan of the body often drowns out the cry of the heart, and it requires extra discernment in order to speak comfort to core hurts. Listening to that heart, however, requires a skill set not easily learned, but effectively modeled by my father.

2. Lead by serving. Even after working all day, my father would grab the vacuum cleaner, mop, or dishrag and help tidy things. He did not view the home as his castle, but rather a place to serve his family. Growing up with five siblings, we each had chores, but Dad led us all through his example. Although my wife has endured seventy-eight operations, I spend more time with laundry, cooking, and general housework than dealing with the medical community. Thanks to Dad, I learned to serve and to clean—long before becoming a caregiver.

3. Treat others equally. I watched Dad effortlessly interact with CEO’s and janitors. He finds something in common with each individual he meets, and he affirms the dignity of each person. This lesson helped me better understand people. It also helped me engage with America’s vast medical bureaucracy. During my three decades of caregiving, I’ve needed the help of not only the sixty (plus) doctors that have treated my wife, but also nurses, techs and custodial staff members of the twelve hospitals she’s visited. Dad taught me the common language of human dignity that inspires, motivates, and elevates people from all walks of life.

4. Stay on Message. Whether due to his generation or his decades of ministry and military service, Dad seems to possess an amazing ability to stay on message. I often saw him push away distractions like shooing a fly in order to bore in on the point. He knows what he wants to say and accomplish, and he seems to navigate the quagmire of human drama with the deftness and focus of a tightrope walker. As a caregiver, I daily face an onslaught of medical, emotional, financial, and other issues. If I allowed myself to travel down every rabbit hole—I’d get nothing accomplished. Thanks to Dad, I’ve learned to better keep the main thing—the main thing.

5. Aggressively Love. My father passionately loves my mother, my siblings and myself, and all of our families. He is interested in each of us, and I remain amazed how one man can love so many. He deeply values his family, and demonstrates that value with astonishing service and sacrifice. As a caregiver, I’ve come to understand that love. Putting myself between a vulnerable loved one and disaster—every day, I appreciate the commitment to love in increasingly deeper ways. There is great joy in loving without expecting anything in return. I don’t always practice it, but even Dad will tell you that “God’s business is perfection. Our business is progress.” My father exudes a joy in loving those who cannot currently match his love—and may never. Yet it still flows from him. Dad’s love for others is a picture of God’s inexhaustible and unearned love for us. There is no greater lesson for a caregiver than to love those who may not be able to reciprocate.

I’ve served as a caregiver for a long time—and have the opportunity to speak into the lives of many of my fellow caregivers. It remains deeply satisfying for me to know that, however small at times, a reflection of my father is imparted to each wounded heart I encounter—including the most special of all to me: the heart belonging to my wife.

Peter W. Rosenberger is the president of Standing With Hope, a non-profit prosthetic limb outreach to amputees overseas. His book, Wear Comfortable Shoes- Surviving and Thriving as a Caregiver, draws upon lessons learned from serving as the sole caregiver for his wife for twenty-seven years through a medical catastrophe that includes 78 operations, multiple amputations, 60 doctors, 12 hospitals, and $9 Million in medical bills.